# Der Lutheraner_St. Louis Missouri_1847 01 05_S55
# AI translation — CHI Digital Archive (demonstration)

— in unwavering trust that the eternally faithful God would, in his own time, abundantly show us his wondrous help. The more we prayed, the greater zeal could be seen in him.

Now because my own flesh and blood was greatly opposed to this all-important work, and because I was permitted to lament my misfortune to no one nor ask anyone's advice, I took my entire refuge in the Word of God, and resolved to do whatever it should teach me.*) There I found, in Matthew 18 and Mark 10, my Lord's express command to go forth. At this I fell into such anguish that I thought rather: this you cannot possibly endure! And yet my conscience convinced me that I was bound, on pain of losing my salvation, to save my children. Yet when the need became pressing, and there was no other remedy than to leave everything standing and lying as it was, God helped me to overcome this happily. But to leave my husband seemed to me unbearable, and to that I could by no means bring myself. But my eternally faithful God worked all the more powerfully through my children; they had to be the ones who drove me on, in that they daily urged me most movingly and exhorted me to trust in God, to whom indeed all things were possible. What a hard struggle this was cannot be expressed in human words. Moreover, I had to hide all my anguish and keep it so secret that my dear husband noticed nothing.

*) This is right. And if I am willing to do all that God's Word teaches me, then I too may take my entire refuge in God's Word, and be certain that God cannot forsake me, for he cannot leave his Word unfulfilled.

In such anguish of heart I earnestly begged that my dear husband might sell Schreibendorf and settle in Saxony, since we were so greatly persecuted on account of the daughters. But this brought poor comfort, for he took it very much amiss and said: "I see well enough that through this the sons too are meant to be turned away from my religion. If I knew that were so, I would change my mind as well." Indeed, he often threatened the daughters that he would put them into a convent, for to him it was merely a matter of his word.

Since I now saw no other counsel, and knew that if I wished to love God above all things, as his commandment requires, there was no way but to go into exile, I asked all the children — some of whom were already grown — whether they would go away with me and give up all their possessions, or whether they would rather become Catholic; for otherwise their brother could not be saved. Then all of them, great and small, were willing to go, in heartfelt trust that God would not forsake us. Even the little girl, who was three years old, comforted me, saying: "God will bring dear Father along afterward; God will keep us from becoming Catholic!"

All this convinced me that it was a work of the great God; but as for leaving my dear husband, I could not bring myself to that, for I thought I would thereby break the marital oath of fidelity — especially when I considered the misery into which he would be placed by my flight. So I resolved, through the grace of God, to send all the children away and to remain myself, come what may; God would help me endure everything. So all our talk and thoughts, whenever we were alone, turned upon the flight. But the children begged me most movingly to go with them and bring them to a safe place, saying that I could then return again. Now I also grew very afraid of the Lord's first, urgent demand upon me; so I cried out fervently to my God for his guidance and direction.

On the 12th of May my dear husband traveled to Lauterbach, intending to return in two days. Then the children said: "Now, dear Mother, now would be the time to flee." But I did not feel it was safe, and it also seemed too hasty; still, I made myself ready as far as possible. On the 16th my dear husband wrote that I should come and fetch him. So on the 17th I drove to him, in heartfelt trust that my God would show me what I ought to do. There the children earnestly begged me to see to it that dear Father remained down there, so that I might then hasten the flight with them; but this seemed too rushed to me. Yet the moving words of the children, especially of my son, gave me much to think about, and many sleepless nights.

On the 18th it suited my dear husband to remain there; he intended to come home with me the next day. Since I was now without any human counsel or help, I turned solely and alone to my Jesus; that same evening I fell often upon my knees, and prayed earnestly to my God that he would help me and let me know his will. He knew well that I was a weak woman, and far too foolish to accomplish this, which was his work; so I asked that he direct my thoughts according to his will. In particular I asked my God that, should the danger be so great that I needed to hasten, he would not allow Satan to hinder this undertaking, but would command my dear husband to remain down there; but that if I could still wait, in order to arrange my worldly affairs better, I would then so gladly and willingly stay through the Whitsun holidays — and that this should be the sign by which I would know the will of my God. Ah, Lord, be not angry that I ask so plain a sign of you! So I lay down to sleep with this resolve: that if my dear husband remained there, the Lord would be bidding me go, as with Abraham; but if he came home with me, then I should still wait. I slept well until morning. As day began to break, I dreamed, on the 19th, that I was in my room at Schreibendorf; there came Father Walter, the priest at Schönau, together with two other priests unknown to me, bringing an order from the royal office to fetch my children. I resisted them strongly, but they only mocked me. I called to my dear husband to help me, but he was asleep and could not help me. When I awoke from this terror, I said: "Ah, my God, now you are telling me to go; ah, let me perceive it yet more clearly!" I woke my dear husband and told him it was time to go home. And behold, my dear husband was inclined to remain there, provided he would miss nothing important; he weighed it within himself and then resolved to stay; but I was to drive home, and to return on the 24th to collect the property tax at Jauer, and to keep the holidays there.1)

1) Thus God did what she asked; he gave her the sign she desired, and came to the aid of her weakness.

At this a sword truly went through my heart, since now my God was once again bidding me go forth with my children from my homeland. I comforted myself indeed with divine providence, as he had promised in Matthew 6:33-34. This is my ground; for the Mighty One of Israel does not lie. He who forsakes no one who trusts in him will make no exception of me; he is faithful. Yet it seemed impossible to flesh and blood, especially since my dear husband told me he felt so uneasy; he sensed that something momentous would happen at home, and told me to give orders that everything be well looked after. At this I could not restrain myself, but embraced him with many tears. Alarmed at this, he asked me what was wrong, saying he had heard me groaning and weeping so in my sleep. I told him a bad dream had so disturbed me.

With that I took heartfelt leave of him. Scarcely had I driven out through the gate when my dear husband came running after me; and when I went to him and asked what more he had to tell me, he said: "Ah, be sure to come down again on Thursday, and give orders that the children be well looked after!" At this I could have burst with sorrowful grief. I begged him earnestly not to worry — God would care for the children. And so I drove home with many heartfelt tears, without ceasing, all the way to my house; and because the anguish and grief were so great, I sighed: My God, help me to fight this through! Indeed, I fell upon my face and cried earnestly to God that he would help me wrestle through and subdue my wicked flesh and blood. Since he had given the will, he must also bring about the accomplishment. This the all-gracious God did as well, in that he hung a veil over my understanding, so that I could not consider that I would never again be allowed to return to Silesia. So I remained in my resolve to bring the children to safety and then return home again.

When I arrived home alone, the children said: "Now, dear Mother, it is time!" But it seemed to me far too hasty, especially since, in every place where I had expected to receive money from my household affairs, it fell through; I was told to be patient until after the holidays, when I should have it in order. So from my entire estate I could obtain no more than 17 silver groschen, and was to set out with six children, horses, and servants.